I wrote an article before about why secondary school is not the best time to have a relationship. But you don’t actually have to be in a relationship to have relationship problems. That is a fact. There is also something called one sided love that can send you on an emotional rollercoaster. When your crush smiles at you, you feel as if you are on cloud nine. But when your crush tells you that your feelings are unrequited and even bothersome to him/ her, you feel as if your heart has just been pulled out, stepped on and grinded to powder. What is left is just a bloody, unrecognisable mess.
If you cannot empathise with me, good for you. I mean it, because one sided love can feel like the worst thing ever, unless you have been through a break-up, a divorce or even the death of a loved one. If you can empathise, read on.
1. There is nothing wrong with you
When you discover that someone else does not share your feelings, you might feel like there is something wrong with you. “I am just not good enough, that is why he/she likes someone else and not me”. Tell yourself, this is a lie.
Think about it. We all know of some people who are good looking, smart, caring and humorous. But will everyone be attracted to them? No. But is it because they are not good enough? Certainly not. The same reasoning applies to your one sided love. We are all wired to be attracted to different things and just because your crush is not attracted to you does not mean that other people will not be attracted to you. It is just a matter of preference. It is not about your worth.
2. Do not invalidate your feelings
This advice is for those who have had “inappropriate” crushes before. Perhaps your crush is already attached. Perhaps your crush is too old for you. Whatever it is, do not blame yourself for developing feelings. Emotions are what set us apart from robots. And emotions can be a bit irrational at times. Like wind, you hear its sound and feel its gentle caress but you do not know where it comes from or where it is going. So why blame yourself for something you have no control over?
3. Be angry, but do not sin
It is natural to feel angry at your crush for not reciprocating your feelings. This is nature’s way of helping us to cope with pain and loss. For your drifting heart pained by rejection, anger is an anchor that you can hold onto. However, in today’s culture, any form of anger is frowned upon, even though anger is actually a necessary part of the recovery process. The more your truly feel your anger, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal.
You can vent your anger by listening to heavy metal songs, or writing in your diary how that guy is such a jerk, or even tearing a piece of paper into tiny strips. But whatever you do, do not hurt the other person physically or emotionally. Because he/ she also has no control over his/her feelings. It is a matter of preference.
4. Time to move on
Life has a lot to offer. It may offer a rosy path streaked with cute little bunnies one day and a winding path through a dense undergrowth in the dead of the night the next. But one thing in common is that these experiences all add dimensions to your life. And it is through journeying down these different paths that you truly feel alive.